To Remember, To Forget
by qwertyuioplucy
Summary: AH/ OOC What if it's the other way round? What if Clary is the angsty teen with a horrible past? But then where does Jace fit in the picture?  Rated M for swearing and later lemons.
1. Remember And Forget

**This is my first chapter, so be nice!**

**Also I know it's quite short but the chapters will get longer as the story progresses!**

**DISCLAIMER : I DO NOT OWN THE MORTAL INSTRUMENTS**

Chapter 1: Remember and Forget.

**CPoV**

_Pain. A blood-curdling shriek. A young girl lying in a pool of red. Black eyes looming over her, raising a belt…_

I woke with a yelp. My pyjamas were soaked with my sweat and I was shaking. I curled up into a ball with my knees tucked into my chest and my arms were gripped around my frail body, trying to hold myself together.

'It's just a dream, it's just a dream,' I repeated in my head. But I knew better. Not only was it a dream, it was a memory, a memory of my father. Valentine Morgenstern.

The day child services took me away and to my newfound mother was the happiest of my life but I still kept the scars. The alarm clock on the bedside table read 4:30am as my eyes slowly adjusted to the dark. Knowing that I wouldn't be able to get back to sleep I trudged over to the bathroom.

I looked into the mirror at my reflection and flinched. My eyes, full of pain and loss, were bloodshot from my tears and there were dark circles bordering my once-emerald-green eyes, showing the world my lack of sleep.

My skin was pale and washed-out with all the pink in my cheeks gone. With dry lips, almost lost of all colour. I breathed out a sigh. My normally blazing red hair was haggard and full of knots. Why has my life come to this?

I heaved a long sigh out once more, twirling around to turn on the shower and I waited until the room was full of steam before stepping in. I massaged my head with conditioner, individually disentangling each knot in my hair, trying to find the "inner peace" which the school counsellor drones on about.

While I was thinking, my mind started to meander to what my silly best friend would be saying to me now. "Keep your head held high, Clary" he would say as he gave me that patronising stare before cracking his trademark Simon smile and telling me a joke like "Or are my feet just that attractive, like the rest of me?" He could always manage to get me to laugh and looking satisfied with himself, once he did.

Despite my bad morning, I grinned to myself. Simon was my best friend and I knew him like the back of my hand. His messy brown hair and his glasses askew on his nose. He anchored me to this world, keeping me happy and sane…and somewhat normal.

He has never left my side, not once, apart from that time when he had to go to Philadelphia for a week. I couldn't cope without him, so I locked myself in my cupboard. Childish, I know, but after he received a distressed call from my mother, he came back and rescued me.

No one else had been let in to see who I really was, aside from Simon and occasionally, my mother.

Once I was dried and dressed I emotionally prepared myself for what was today. Today was the first day of 11th Grade. Something I dreaded, immensely. There was a soft buzzing noise from inside my room, despite it being only 5 o'clock in the morning. I looked down at the message and smiled: _**I assume ur up?**_

It was Simon. I quickly replied_: __**yup, ready 4 skoo**_**_l?_** After confirming my lift to school with him I decided to go downstairs and grab some breakfast. I heard a faint sizzling as I descended the stairs, so I wasn't surprised to see the back of a woman, red hair flowing as she moved across the kitchen, making pancakes while singing to herself.

"Morin' Clary, darling" She said to me, turning around briefly with a smile on her face before she resumed cooking.

"Hi mum" I replied, thanking who ever invented make-up for her not noticing how haggard I looked.

"What's up honey?" she asked as she set the food down in front of me. I couldn't lie to her face when she looked at me like that, so I cast my eyes down from hers, which mirrored mine in colour, and searched my brain for a reasonable excuse.

"Just nervous for school." It was partially true, at least. She eyed me thoughtfully, but just nodded before informing me that I had the house to myself this afternoon. She was going to help Luke in his bookshop. I didn't mind, I was probably going to come back and just was movies with Simon this afternoon anyway.

As I was about to leave to meet Simon when he called me, saying he was out of gas and money and that he was walking to school. He offered to come pick me up and us walk to together, but I declined knowing that was an extra 20 minutes for him to detour to my house, just to pick me up.

With that I left the house and as I waved to my mother a strange sense of determination and fearlessness washed over me. I then did something I had never done before, I took off my jacket leaving my shoulders and arms bare. Now everyone would be able to see my scars, scars that only Simon, my mum and the man who inflicted them had ever seen before.


	2. Meeting

**Hi all,**

**Clary and Jace are finally going to meet! Hope you liked the last chapter and review and do all that stuff :) **

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN THE MORTAL INSTRUMENTS**

**^ As awesome as that would be.**

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><p><span>Chapter 2<span>: Meeting

**CPoV**

As I walked into the school grounds and through the corridors to meet Simon at his locker I could feel everyone's eyes on me. I was having second thoughts about my newfound confidence.

I started to panic as I couldn't find Simon and I could hear the whispers. They slowly got louder and louder. A tear rolled down my cheek as someone shouted out from the crowd, "FREAK!" I felt so alone until a familiar arm wrapped around me as my heroic best friend came to my rescue. "FUCK OFF, EVERYONE!" he shouted. I have never known Simon to be so angry but the look in his eyes was fierce.

Everyone scattered, I started to fall only to be caught by Simon. He stroked my hair as I started to break down and he took off his jacket and covered me with it. His tone changed to gentle as he said, "What do you think you're doing, Clare? Are you alright?" I let out one final sob before telling him what had been going through my head all morning. "I just want to be normal".

Simon let out a sigh and I knew he was somewhat mad at me for putting myself through this but he wouldn't yell at me in this state. He continued in his gentle tone "Do you want to go home? We can skip together, like when we were little." The thought was appealing but instead I took off his jacket, handed it to him. "No. Today is the dawn of a new Clary Fray. I love you Si, and I will see you at lunch" And with that I walked away, leaving a surprised Simon standing there, holding his jacket, speechless.

After the scene in the corridor I thought about my scars and how my own father beat me. I was late for rollcall but that seemed to pale in significance. There was a long raised scar right the length of my arm of when he threw a metal chair at me. Another on my left shoulder from being whacked with a baseball bat, and the list goes on.

Ever since then I have not let anyone touch me, aside from Simon and my mother. As a strong, masculine hand gipped my shoulder I let out a loud piercing scream. I whipped around and punched my attacker in the face only to realise he was not an attacker but a teenage boy who was now clutching his bleeding nose and lip, swearing.

"Shit" was all I could manage to say. Some teachers and students came running, which wasn't a surprise after my scream and everyone had shocked looks on their faces. I just stared at the boy who I just punched and realised he was extremely handsome. He had golden eyes that showed pain from my punch and golden hair to match. With his golden-tanned skin it looked like he was glowing. He was also extremely well built, not too much to bulk him up but I could see his rippling biceps and I just knew he would have a strong pack of abs as well.

"Wow" I breathed out and golden boy's narrowed eyes shot up at me. "What? You see someone amazingly hot as I am and get so jealous you punch them in the face?" His eyes hovered over my body and saw all my scars and just breathed out "Oh…"

He wasn't the only one who had noticed my newly uncovered scars. Mr. Starkweather, my teacher had come to sort out the commotion. He looked me and saw my marks and asked "Clarissa what has happened to you?" I finally realised how I must look to someone else.

I chose not to answer and turned back to the golden boy. "What did you think you were doing?" I asked him with menace. Sebastian than stepped to comment on the situation, "You sneaked up on Clary? Dude, bad move" Golden boy shot Sebastian a silencing glare then turned to me, answering my question with a question.

"What the hell was that for?" He asked. I stared him and decided to change my tone and simply replied, "You snuck up on me" He looked at me incredulously.

"So you punched me in the face?" Mr. Starkweather eyed me sternly "You punched him in the face?" When I nodded but kept my head high, he continued, "He is a new student here! What a welcoming that is for Mr. Lightwood." Then he turned his attention to Golden Boy. "Would you like me to get your brother and sister?" He asked in a much nicer voice.

We had quite the little gathering now and I was sick of it. Some way start to the new Clary. Before more people could come I stalked off.

Everyone parted like the red sea for the freak, who punched the new kid in the nose. Everyone, but golden boy, who followed after me. That didn't matter to me, he didn't know where he was going and I would lose him before I got to my hideaway.

This was a lot harder than expected because once the crowd was out of sight he was running after me calling out my name. As the tears started to fall I knew I couldn't let him catch me so I ran as fast as I could. Golden boy was faster.

He caught up and was running by my side, trying to catch a hold of me, before I reached the bleachers. I stopped suddenly letting him fly ahead, ducking in to my private place while praying that he didn't see.

As I rocked myself in silence, an arrogant voice cut through the silence "Disappointed you'll never be able to get with me?" Fuck. He did see me. I just stayed silent hoping he would eventually go away. "Ah, the non-talker. I see. Do you normally punch people in the face? Is that your way of saying hello when you meet someone new…" Although his voice sounded like a unicorn on a rainbow, he was really pissing me off.

"Do you always have to piss everyone off with your giant ego? I'm surprised your head hasn't exploded yet" I replied, not bring able to keep my annoyance inside. God, why wouldn't he go away! My prayers were not answered. He replied "And she speaks! I thought you were a mute or something, but I hear my good looks can do that to some pe-" but I cut him off.

"Fuck off" I growled. That was all I could think of but it was all I needed to say. He walked away, cursing me under his breath. I waited in my safe hideaway until, eventually, it was lunchtime and Simon came to put me back together as he did every time.

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><p><strong>So, what do you think? <strong>

**Please tell me and i'll see you all next time.**


	3. Getting Acquainted

Chapter 3: Getting Acquainted

**JPoV**

"Fuck off" She said. Wow, quite the lady. I didn't really want to be more of an ass to a girl who just punched me in the face then ran off crying, as much fun as it would be. I swiftly turned on my heel and left her alone. "Fucking women." I muttered under my breath.

I walked back to the office to collect my timetable. I knew that there was something up with that Clary girl. Something off. She was beautiful, anyone could see that and she could throw a punch.

But her scars…I decided then and there, that I would find out about her. I was no stranger to using my charm to get information. I walked into my first class only 15 minutes late. I made up an excuse and the teacher introduced me to the class. It was the usual "Hi, my name is Jace Lightwood" blah, blah, blah.

I was put in a seat next to a guy called Sebastian. He was the one who stepped out this morning telling me it was a bad idea to sneak up on the red headed girl, Clary. He turned to me and said "Dude, you have blood on your shirt" I looked down and he was right.

"Man, Clary can pack a punch! It's so hot! What did you do to get her that mad? I've been trying to get her attention for ages, just like every other guy." I wasn't really sure what to say to that so I simply told him what I did. "I walked up to her and touched her shoulder, she screamed and punched me in the face." Then Sebastian just said something that ticked me off. "Clary is fucked up but hot as hell." I didn't understand. You'd think everyone would know about her. "What's up with her scars? Why did she freak out this morning?"

"Clary only has one friend, Simon. Other people would like to be friends…and more" he winked. " But she won't talk to anybody and no one knows anything about her except for Simon, which is weird because he is one of the biggest losers. Normally Clary always wears long sleeve tops or jackets or a jumper or anything like that to cover herself but this morning she just walked in only in a tank top" He winked again before continuing, "Everyone could see everything. All her scars and… yeah. No one knows where she got them from or anything. Someone yelled out freak this morning and her friend Simon came out and basically told everyone to fuck off. She broke down crying and when everyone was in class we heard this scream and yeah, you know what happens next."

I was about to reply when a glare was shot our way the teacher whose name I forgot almost immediately. I was still thinking about Clary and why she reacted the way she did when the bell went for lunch. I was looking out for Isabelle and Alec when I saw a flash of that all too familiar red hair. I was about to go up to her and give her a sarcastic comment about how I thought she was going to stay under the bleachers all day but a pair of narrowed charcoal eyes popped up in front of my face. "You come with me, Jace" Isabelle said. She sounded mad and as she twirled around

Her black hair whipped me in the face and she snickered at me. Once we were in the cafeteria Isabelle rounded on me. She pointed at Clary who was with Simon. What a surprise. "You are going to leave that girl alone." Her tone was final but I wasn't going to listen to her. I never do. "Why?" I challenged. "I heard about her. I also heard about this morning." Izzy replied. It had probably spread around the whole school now. Great. "Oh yeah, so you know what a crazy bitch she is." Isabelle slapped me.

Well, that got the attention of the whole cafeteria; I could feel Clary's eyes on us too. Isabelle stalked over to her. Oh shit. "Hi Clary" she started; I saw that Clary had a confused look on her face. Once again, oh shit. "Are you a crazy bitch?" Isabelle asked. Clary just looked shocked. Simon then stood up. "What the fuck is wrong with you?" He asked. "Oh nothing, it's just that my brother over there, Jace, thinks you are a crazy bitch. I just wanted to prove him wrong, so can I sit with you?"

Clary looked at me and her eyes were full of hurt. I felt kind of bad for her and immediately took back my words. She turned to Isabelle and slowly said "Sure…" I then sauntered over but before I could say anything Simon stopped me by getting between Clary and me. "Now you better run along" he said and I outright laughed in his face and pushed him aside. He fell to the floor.

"Simon!" Clary yelled. She really had a beautiful voice. She jumped to his side but he was getting up and fine so she came to face me. "Listen here golden boy-" I stopped her, "golden boy?" Her cheeks flushed and I loved the colour.

"When I didn't know your name I called you that in my head because your hair and eyes are golden…" I laughed and said, "I am amazingly good looking, aren't I?" She just glared "YOU ARE SUCH A DICK!" And then, for the second time in one day, she punched me in the face. The cafeteria erupted in cheers. I hadn't realised they had been watching. I was literally speechless. No sarcastic comment, nothing to say. Isabelle's jaw was on the floor and everyone was silent.

Clary gulped but kept her head high and at that moment…She was incredibly sexy. NO, JACE, NO. THIS IS NOT THE TIME. FOCUS. I turned around and walked away to clean up my face imagining what mum and dad would say. "Hi Jace, how was your first day of school?" "Great, I got punched in the face twice by this girl who I am falling for!" Yeah, that would be fun. Wait, what? Falling for? Nope, I wrote it off as head injury. You couldn't fall for someone that fast. Much less, with someone who hated your guts?

I cleaned off the last of the blood on my face and walked out of the bathroom only to bump into the last person I wanted to see. Clary. The look on her face told me she felt the same. "Look, Jace…" She started and I had no I idea what was happening but I was suddenly leaning down and I kissed her. Suddenly her arms moved up, behind my neck to hold me in place and I moved mine around her delicate waist.

I moved my tongue across her bottom lip, asking for permission. Before I could go any further Clary shoved against my chest and jumped back. She looked furious.


	4. New Beginnings

**Hey guys, I know its been ages since I updated but I will try to do it more regularly!**

**I'd just like to thank my amazing beta, Caitlin!**

**Without her this story would be so shit ahah**

**So yeah Cassandra Clare owns everything in the Mortal Instruments...as awesome as that would be**

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><p><span>Chapter 4<span>: New Beginnings

**CPoV**

Oh. My. God. He kissed me. He fucking kissed me! And what was even worse, I liked it. The boy I punched in the face twice, the boy who called me a crazy bitch, the boy who pushed Simon to the ground, and the boy who was an egotistical pig had kissed me and I liked it.

"What the fuck?" I asked him. "You loved it" He replied with a smirk. God he was so sexy, but I'd never let him know that. "You kissed me!" I shouted at him. Thank god everyone was at lunch! "Where did you get your scars from?" He asked me ignoring my previous comment.

I glared at him before I turned around and started to walk away but he stopped me. "You know, you are not going to get anywhere in life if you just run away crying whenever something happens." I faced him once more. I wanted to tell him he was wrong but he was right. Another attribute of the new Clary: No. More. Crying.

"Would you like to talk about it Jace? My scars? Would you like to talk about how I spent the first 13 years of life being beaten up by my father? How whenever I was just breathing he would get mad at me? How I was his anger treatment? See this scar here?" I pointed at the one on my right arm while Jace stood there speechless, "He pushed me into a glass coffee table telling me I was useless because I burnt some toast. Imagine that. An 8 year old burns some toast and she has to be hospitalised for a week as they pull out the glass. Is that what you want to talk about Jace? Huh?"

I breathed out a long breath, surprised out my outburst. It seemed Jace was too as he didn't say a word. Finally he speaks. "Wow." I turn around once more when Jace pulls me into a hug. Now it's my turn to be speechless. "I'm sorry Clary." Is all he can say. I pull out of his grip and say to him coldly "Now you know why I'm fucked up. Maybe I actually am a crazy bitch. I don't like you Jace…" My voice broke as I finally told him, "Just, please, just stay away from me."

"Clary…" Jace started but I left before he could say any more. I did not let a tear stray out of my eye and I walked away from him with my head held high.

I was going to keep away from Jace. Yes, I was falling for him but I will put a stop to that. Arrogance rolls off him and he thinks he is better than any one else. I know he's going to hurt me. Hell! He probably doesn't even like me and just did that kiss to drag me along.

Still thinking about Jace, I went to class. Art was definitely my favourite so I was glad that I had it for a double. As I was painting a landscape, Sebastian came up to me. It was strange and different because everyone stayed away from the weird girl.

"Hey Clary, how are you?" He asked. "Fine." I replied with a small smile. He smiled back and pointed to my picture. "You are really amazing, you know that?" From the look on his face I wasn't sure if he was talking about my painting. "Thanks Seb, it's okay if I call you Seb right?" I asked, unsure. "Sure, you can call me whatever you want."

I actually quite liked Sebastian, I hadn't talked to him before but he seemed really nice. I really needed to socialize and get to know the people at my school more. That was another new part of the revolution with new Clary: get to know more people. We were having a nice conversation when Sebastian started to look really nervous. "What's up, Seb?" I asked him. "Um, well…I was wondering if you wanted to, uh, sometime…go out with me?"

He blushed a bit when he finished. That's when I really noticed him. He wasn't as attractive as Jace, but with dark hair, dark eyes and angular cheekbones, he was quite easy on the eyes. I decided to give him a chance. "Sure, I'd love too." His face lit up and I let out a laugh. The fact that he was making me laugh was a good sign.

As it was the end of the lesson I got up to leave and Sebastian followed me to my locker. We continued to talk while I waited for Simon and when we saw him coming; Seb kissed me on the cheek. It was a small gesture…and I liked it. I smiled at him before seeing a flash of golden eyes. Jace. He saw the gesture and he looked pissed off. I could see him start to come up to us and I didn't want my good afternoon to be ruined so I hugged Sebastian and quickly walked away tugging Simon along with me.

"Let's go watch Star Wars, okay?" Simon gave me a perplexed look but then nodded happily. Things were starting to look up my way I thought to myself and smiled.

**Sebastian PoV **

Everything was perfect. That was until Jace came up to me. I think Clary saw him and the angry look in his eyes, which is why she hugged me, and dashed off.

Man, a kiss on the cheek and a hug and I was already whipped…and not afraid to say it. I think Jace was jealous. Like, mad jealous. "What was all that about?" He asked me, his voice was envious. "Oh, I asked her out and she said yes" I replied with my smile stretching from one ear to another. Jace's expression darkened and that's when I was positive he was jealous.

"What happened to her not talking to any one other than Simon?" Menace laced his voice, but I could detect some curiosity in there, too. "I just went up and talked to her. It was really easy actually, she didn't punch me in the face or anything." I was laughing now, but if looks could kill, Jace would be on his way to prison for manslaughter.

I knew Jace wanted Clary, but she was mine. "Jace" I started seriously. "I want you to stay away from Clary…" Now it was his turn to laugh. "She may have chosen you this time, Seb. But believe me, she will be mine very, very soon." He dragged out the last two words and said them such conviction it sent a shiver up my spine. Jace saw this and grinned threateningly, before walking away. I whispered to myself "I wouldn't be too sure if I were you." And smirked as I sauntered away.

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><p><strong>Review! And rate and yeah...<strong>

**I know that the chapters are short but i promise they are getting longer!**


	5. Realisation

**Once again, thankyou to my amazing Beta Caitlin**

**Hopefully I am getting better at this and yeah..**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own the Mortal Instruments**

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><p><span>Chapter 5<span>: Realisation

**JPoV**

Even though we had only just moved in yesterday I already knew the way home by heart, which was quite a walk. I didn't mind Brooklyn. It's quite a nice area, nowhere as nice as Idris though.

While I walked, I was thinking of my hometown and the beautiful country it was when I heard two people singing along with the Star Wars theme song, going down the pathway of the house next to mine.

"Simon, get off me!" I heard a girl shout followed by a squeal. Then I realised that I knew that voice. Fuck. I just moved in next to Clary. As much fun as I am sure this will turn out to be… I know it's going to probably suck for the time being.

I continued on listening to the delicious sound of Clary's squeals as I walked.

I got home and took out my guitar. I strummed a few chords to warm up before full on belting out the lyrics with the music I played, as I knew everyone was out of the house.

_When she was just a girl_

_She expected the world_

_But it flew away from her reach so_

_She ran away in her sleep_

_And dreamed of_

_Para-para-paradise, Para-para-paradise, Para-para-paradise_

_Every time she closed her eyes_

For some reason an image of Clary floated behind my eyes.

_When she was just a girl_

_She expected the world_

_But it flew away from her reach_

_And the bullets catch in her teeth_

_Life goes on, it gets so heavy_

_The wheel breaks the butterfly_

_Every tear a waterfall_

_In the night the stormy night she'll close her eyes_

_In the night the stormy night away she'd fly_

_And dreams of_

_Para-para-paradise_

_Para-para-paradise_

_Para-para-paradise_

_Oh oh oh oh oh oh-oh-oh_

_She'd dream of_

_Para-para-paradise_

_Para-para-paradise_

_Para-para-paradise_

_Oh oh oh oh oh oh-oh-oh-oh_

I lowered my voice while keeping perfectly in tune as I sung the last part of the song.

_Lalalalalalalalalalala_

_And so lying underneath those stormy skies_

_She'd say, "Oh, ohohohoh I know the sun must set to rise"_

_This could be_

_Para-para-paradise_

_Para-para-paradise_

_Para-para-paradise_

_Oh oh oh oh oh oh-oh-oh_

_This could be_

_Para-para-paradise_

_Para-para-paradise_

_This could be_

_Para-para-paradise_

_Oh oh oh oh oh oh-oh-oh-oh_

I strummed one last chord.

After finishing what was one of my favourite songs at the moment, I sat in silence before contemplating what to do next with my afternoon. Then I saw my soccer ball. Ah soccer, I was unstoppable on the field. My aggressiveness towards the game caused a few people to despise me, but that was fun because afterwards they would try to confront me and I would always finish the fight that they'd started.

I changed in my soccer shorts and jersey before heading down to the park. I let my head clear of everything except the ball at my feet as I dribbled it down the field before kicking it and sinking in in the top right corner of the goal.

As I went around the field once more a little red headed girl popped into my mind, almost as swiftly as she had punched me in the face. I half smiled. But when I thought of Sebastian, and how he kissed her and she hugged him back, I grew furious and kicked the ball so hard I lost sight of it. Great, that was my favourite ball.

Then I saw her. Under a tree, with what looked to be a sketchpad balanced on her knees. And right next to her was my ball. She looked confused as she saw the ball rolling to a stop next to her. Well I haven't annoyed anyone for about two and a half hours so I walked up to collect my ball and piss her off a bit. That was my new strategy for her, push her far away and then pull her in tight. It worked with the girls every time.

"What's up, Neighbour?" I asked with a smirk. I never properly smile…I'm never properly happy. She just looked shocked. "Neighbour?" She asked in a small voice. With her red hair in the plaits and big green eyes she was quite cute, really. "Yes, my fiery Angel. I moved into the house next to yours yesterday. Now we can have sleepovers and paint each other's nails and talk about all the cute boys at school! AND make up nicknames, but I guess we already have yours." I teased. "Angel?"

Realisation came over her face and she coldly replied "As lovely as that would be…" Her eyes narrowed. "I told you to stay away from me."

She snapped her sketchpad closed and stalked away but I wasn't going to give up that easily. "So you've finally covered up those horrible scars of yours. What on earth was going through your mind to go around parading those?" She looked at away from me but not before I saw her eyes full of hurt.

"Today is a new Clary and new Clary does not have a Jace Lightwood in her life." Her voice was hard. "Oh, turning third person are we? Jace loves that. He is also very, very hot and all the ladies wish to know what is in his head but as he walks beside the short-" She cut me off. "I'M NOT SHORT." "But you're like 5 ft. 2!" I retaliated. She grimaced and started to power walk away.

"Pity we are out of talking in third person. Jace really loves that." I said with a smirk as I caught up to her. She just shook her head and continued walking without talking to me. Just to annoy her still, I decided to make up a song:

"_Little Clary Fray,_

_Didn't like to say._

_How much she truly loved me,_

_The boy that was so sexy._

_Angel is her name,_

_Our love shall never wane_

_In her heart I am with a lock,_

_As she thinks of my –"_

"STOP." She shouted and I saw her cringe at what, I assumed, she thought I was going to rhyme with 'lock'. I chuckled darkly and just continued to hum the previous song I made up on the spot. I wanted to poke her in the side and stick out my tongue to annoy her more but I thought the better of it, as that was quite 5 year oldish.

As we came closer to home we stayed silent. She didn't try to get away from me as she had done previously probably because she knew that I would just catch up to her. Clary fascinated me. She wasn't like most girls. She was weird. But I guess I liked that…

She wasn't what I usually went for, which was to be honest, sluts. They didn't have too much baggage and also, they were a good fuck. I wasn't exactly attracted to that, to be honest but they were easy. They got what they wanted and I got what I wanted. It was a win-win situation. How could I say no to that?

When our houses were in sight, I turned to her but she kept looking straight ahead. She is so stubborn, but then again, I guess I am too. "Angel," I started. "Shut up Golden Boy" she replied and flipped her long, red hair over her shoulder. "No I don't think I will, Clary. You see, in America we have freedom of speech. I can say whatever I like and hell, for me, I can do whatever I like and not get beat up over it, too." Clary sucked in a quick breath and stopped walking. I could tell that she wanted to cry but she didn't. That's when I realised what my words implied to her. "No Angel, that's not what I meant." I said quickly. Her face looked troubled. "Yes it was, and stop calling me that stupid nickname." She picked up her pace and hurried away leaving me standing there thinking about how I did sort of imply that I wasn't beat up by my father when I was growing up.

I saw her red hair disappear into her front door and found it odd that her leaving me like this actually made me feel bad. I wanted to be around her again but I could tell that she didn't want to be with me. Clary is definitely different to most girls and I felt disappointed that my charms didn't affect her like the rest of her sex.

I carried on home, which took me like 10 seconds because my home was only two houses up from where I was standing, and Isabelle was back from kick-boxing. "Hey" I called out to her when I walked in the front door. She just narrowed her eyes and looked away. "C'mon Izzy, you can't still be mad at me about lunch today!" She just huffed and stayed silent. I could play that game too and walked upstairs to my room.

When I was in my room I realised my blinds were closed and as I went to open them I heard a muffled scream. It wasn't too loud so I knew it wasn't from someone in the house, maybe from someone outside? I immediately I looked out my window only to find that I could see into a room in the house next to mine. In that room was a girl with red hair, a petrified looking girl who was staring at a boy around my age with white-blonde hair. "Angel" I breathed before sprinting down the stairs and out the door.

"Clary!" I shouted and ran in to her house noticing that the door had been left wide open. I stopped in the hallway and tried to listen but there was only silence. I had to find her room so I ran upstairs silently and finally heard some talking. It was low and I stopped dead outside Clary's door, eavesdropping.

"Jonathon. What the hell are you doing here?" I heard Clary say, fear laced her voice. "I am your brother Clary, I can come see you whenever I liked." His voice sounded prim and pompous. I hated him already. "You stopped being my brother ever since you let father do what he did to me." Just as I heard Jonathon say, "You deserved it" I jumped into her room and to Clary's defence. "Deserved what? Deserved to be beaten? To have her innocence taken away from her? That is no way to grow up, living in fear." Clary looked so small behind me so I was taken by surprise when she pushed up her sleeves, stepped forward and said "Jace, I don't need your help and Jonathon get the hell out of my house before I call the cops." She sounded venomous and stood as tall as she could, which wasn't very tall. I don't think I have seen her look more beautiful, or really anyone look more beautiful.

Jonathon just stared at her before slapping her right across the face. I instaneously slammed him against the wall holding up by his neck so he was choking. As fiercely as I could I told him, "You are going to stay away from Clary, got it? You even step one foot in this neighbourhood and will personally snap your neck like I should now." He looked scared. He was strong but nowhere near as strong as me and I let him go before he fell to the floor. He jumped up and turned to go but not before telling Clary, "I'm here for father. He wants his Clare Bear back." He sneered at her, and then he walked out the door.

I turned to Clary and she looked like she was going to fold in to herself. She was mumbling something to herself that I couldn't really hear but it sounded something like, "Don't cry, Clary. Don't cry, Clary. Don't cry, Clary." Repeated over and over again. "Angel" I started and she just collapsed into me, but held her tears at bay. "Everything is going to be okay. I won't let your brother or your father hurt you, ever." She looked up at me, her emerald eyes were wide and scared and she said in a small voice, "You promise?" I hesitated realising that I would already give up my life to protect her and replied, "I promise."

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><p><strong>If you have been living under a rock and don't know the song that Jace sang it's Paradise by Coldplay<strong>

**Rate and Review XoXo**


	6. Avoid

**Heey guys, hopefully you like this chapter...sorry i've taken so long to update but i'm quite slow at writing :s**

**But i have to thank my amazing beta caitlin, holy cow - this story would be shit without her (lyke srsly)**

**Also my good friend veronica, for giving me a good idea for this chapter :)**

**DISCLAIMER: i do not own the mortal instruments**

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><p><span>Chapter 6<span>: Avoid

**CPoV **

All week since Jonathon came to visit me with my father's message, I have been having my nightmares every night. I didn't tell my mother because I knew she would just freak out but I could tell she knew something was up. Every night I would wake up whimpering.

I have been avoiding Jace, all week, too. I've kept my head down at school, only speaking to Simon, Izzy and Sebastian and I never let my gaze connect with Jace's. He knows everything and that's not how it was supposed to be. He probably thinks I'm a freak and a weirdo like everyone else. That hurts and I've been hurt enough, so I walk in the opposite direction when I see him coming down the hall, turn my head when he calls out to me on the bus. I have kept my blinds closed 24/7 and I've stopped going to the park to draw. He will forget about me soon and I will do the same for him.

On a plus side, since that day when Jace kissed me and I vowed to not cry again…I haven't cried once. Even when I heard that my father was going to come for me, I didn't lose it. I keep remembering what Jace promised me, a promise that will be impossible to keep. I want to be wrapped up in those arms again, so strong, so secure. I had never felt safer in my life. As I was walking home, trying to avoid Jace on the bus that I occasionally caught, I heard a voice. "Angel!" Oh great.

He ran and caught up to me. "Golden Boy." I said sharply with a nod. "Why have you been avoiding me?" He asked quickly. I was going to say, because you're a dick but instead went with sarcasm. "Me? Avoid you? Never!" Jace raised one eyebrow. "Damn, everyone can do that!" I blurted out angrily. Jace just laughed. "So, why are you following me and not catching the bus?" I asked him. He then took a leaf out of my book and replied with a smirk, "Me? Follow you? Never." I giggled even though I don't know why. When I realised we were just standing looking at each other on the footpath, I grew self-conscious. "Angel?" Jace asked softly. "Yeah?" I answered. "I mean it you know, about not letting you get hurt, about my promise. I mean it, 100 percent." I gulped, but didn't know what to say to that, so Jace said it for me. "Friends?" He asked and held out his hand. I took it and replied, "friends," in a small voice.

The word felt strange on my tongue, almost off. I don't think that is possible for Jace and I to be friends… But we carried home with our newfound friendship and small talk before parting ways outside my house.

I needed some air after finishing my homework so I took off the park. I got to my favourite oak tree, the leaves turning red in the coming fall, before sitting down and pulling out my sketchbook. There was only one face in my mind as I drew and I so I sketched it. I quietly sung a warning to myself as I worked, a Paramore song, which just felt right to sing in the moment.

_Down to you_

_You're pushing and pulling me down to you_

_But I don't know what I _

_Now when I caught myself _

_I had to stop myself_

_From saying something that _

_I should have never thought_

_Now when I caught myself _

_I had to stop myself_

_From saying something that _

_I should have never thought_

_Of you, oh you_

_You're pushing and pulling me down to you_

_But I don't know what I want_

_No I don't know what I want_

The Face was starting to form now, a smirk played on their lips.

_You got it, you got it_

_Some kind of magic_

_Hypnotic, hypnotic_

_You're leaving me breathless_

_I hate this, I hate this_

_You're not the one I believe in_

_Oh God is my witness_

I whipped out a gold pencil and coloured in the hair and eyes, my Golden Boy. Wait, **my** Golden Boy? No…just Jace.

_Oh – Oh – Oh_

_Now when I caught myself _

_I had to stop myself_

_From saying something that_

_I should have never thought_

_Now when I caught myself _

_I had to stop myself_

_From saying something that_

_I should have never thought_

_Of you, oh you_

_You're pushing and pulling me down to you_

_But I don't know what I want_

_No I don't know what I want_

Why can't I get this boy out of mind? Out of my life? Damn.

_I don't know what I want_

_But I know its not you_

_Keep pushing and pulling me down_

_But I know in my heart its not you_

_Oh – oh – oh – oh – oh_

_Now when I caught myself _

_I had to stop myself_

_From saying something that_

_I should have never thought_

_Now when I caught myself _

_I had to stop myself_

_From saying something that_

_I should have never thought_

_Of you, I knew _

_I know in my heart its not you _

_But now I know what I want _

_I want, I want_

_Oh no, I should have never thought._

It was amazing how much this song fit what I felt, everything I thought about Jace and by the time I had finished the song I had a perfect picture of Jace and his signature smirk. "That song was for me, I'm guessing, as is that picture" I heard a voice say behind me. I yelped and jumped up. "It's alright Angel, it's only me." Fuck, Jace wasn't meant to see this. "Do you think Sebastian would like you singing about how you love me while you draw my face?" That was a good question. "I-" but Jace cut me off. "Speak of the devil." Oh shit, Sebastian was running over to us with a smile on his face. "Hey Clary!" He shouted to me but then faltered a bit when he saw Jace. Guilt clenched my stomach. His smile turned to a frown and he icily asked Jace, "What are you doing here?"

"No need to be rude Sebastian." Jace said in an all too cheery voice. Sebastian turned to me and asked, "What do you have there?" I didn't want to show him my picture of Jace, as I knew he would freak out so I launched myself onto him and tackled him to the ground, kissing him. I heard Jace mutter "lets keep it PG – 13" but Sebastian just held me to the ground with his lips plastered to mine. I loved kissing Sebastian, he made me feel treasured and even though I was just stalling, I liked the way he held me. Despite our short time as a couple, he still meant more to me than most people I had met in my life. I felt special around him and appreciated, which I hadn't really experienced, other than in the presence of my mother and Simon, but they love me in a platonic way. In honesty I had never felt this way before. Our tongues were battling and I managed to push Jace out of my mind. I heard a cough and looked up to see the whole football team standing next to Jace.

I don't think I had ever blushed so much in my life because not only had I been caught with my boyfriend-of-one-week's tongue down my throat, but also Alec was holding up my picture of Jace. "What is that?" Sebastian growled while not looking overly happy. He didn't seem to care that his friends were watching us make out but a picture of Jace drawn by me made him upset. I guess I can understand. "It's…for an art project." That was the lamest excuse ever and I could see the confusion etched upon Seb's face. You would never have thought Jace and I had a friendship truce just hours earlier as he pointed out, "Lying now, are we Angel?" Sebastian just looked furious. "What! Angel?" He was almost shouting. I was lost for words and Sebastian started to walk away saying "We're over." But I yelled out to him and he paused. "Wait Sebastian! Please don't leave me; you're the only thing that is keeping me normal! The only good person I have!" He continued walking after saying, "You have Simon."

Simon was different. He had to know that. "Please Seb, don't go." I whispered knowing he couldn't hear me. "Its not what you think…" I trailed off.

Everyone knew I was a freak, but having the popular jocks witness that, just sent me to the bottom of the pit. I grabbed the picture of Jace and ripped it up into shreds then sat back down leaving all the boys staring silently. "Leave." I said, and everyone did except Jace. "You too, Golden Boy." But I secretly wanted him to stay. He did. He sprawled out next to me and said, "I'm sorry, Angel."

"You are going to fix this." I told him icily, anger rising up in me. He gave me a curious look, "Now Angel, why would I do that?" That was it! That comment sent me over the edge. "Were you not listening to our conversation this afternoon? HOW YOU SAID WE WERE FRIENDS?" I inwardly shuddered at the word. Jace paled. I think he thought the same as I did. "Does he really mean that much to you?" He asked in a small voice. The look on his face was unreadable and I just wanted to hold him in my arms and tell him that he means more, that he will always mean more but Jace doesn't feel the same so I lied.

"Yes…" I said slowly. Something unrecognisable flashed in Jace's eyes but he either quickly put on his emotional mask or I imagined it, most probably I just imagined it. "Fine, only because we are…" His voice tightened and I inwardly cringed, knowing what was to come. "Friends." He finished. All of a sudden I needed to get my feelings off my chest. "Jace-" He cut me off angrily, "I get it Clary. It's getting late. Go home." His used my name instead of my ridiculous nickname, so I knew he was serious.

My face dropped and I turned around to leave. I walked away replaying the events in my head my hand twitching, wanted to draw that flash of unknown emotion I imagined on Jace. A single leaf fell down from a tree and the wind pushed it around me and I spun in wonder, following it with my gaze. As I turned around I saw a boy with blonde hair with his face in his hands. The first thing in my mind was Jace. I quickly blinked but he was gone.

o.8.o

**JPoV**

"Does he really mean that much to you?" Even to me, my voice seemed pained. I hoped, hoped with all my heart she would say no and jump into my arms… but she loves Sebastian, the prick. "Yes…" She says slowly and even though she sounds a little off I feel like I've just been stabbed. For a second I accidently let my mask slip. Shit, I think she saw. Clary gave me an inquisitive look, but it quickly passed. As much as I love her, wait, what? Love her? No, no, we are just friends and I have to act like one. I tried to put on my "I don't care" façade but it just made me look like I was constipated. "Fine, only because we are…friends." I had to spit out the last word, it didn't want to leave my mouth, and it just doesn't sound right! It doesn't suit us…

I had to leave. I felt sick, wrong. "Jace…" Her beautiful voice started but I cut her off angrily. At the moment I didn't care if I hurt her feelings…I needed to be alone. "I get it Clary. It's getting late. Go home." I glared at her even though my mind was yelling at me to grab her, hold her tight and never let her go. Her face fell and I could feel disappointment rolling off her and all my anger vanished. She swiftly turned around, her red hair shining in the light blending in with the autumn leaves around us. As she started to walk away I almost reached out and grabbed her, my fingers splayed before turning into fists. Clary looked so beautiful and as she reached the entrance to the park she twirled looking captivated. My breath caught and I buried my face in my hands unable to let her see my mask fall away completely, unable to be regained.

I ran away quickly, I needed to feel something else. I needed to see something else other than those bright emerald eyes or that fiery blaze of hair. I ran all the way home, the long way. I was unable to even contemplate crossing her path. No, I will stay away. But first I have to be her, ugh, friend. I take out my mobile and dial the number of the last person I want to talk to. I knew he felt the same way after seeing my caller ID. "Fuck off, Jace." He answered with. I knew he wasn't going to listen to what I had to say, but I had to try. "No Sebastian, you have to listen!" My voice tightened and I told him my already rehearsed lie. "Clary didn't draw that picture…I did! It was an assignment for art and I was getting Clary to check it because you know how good at art she is." I rushed out hurriedly before he could hang up on me.

The lie wasn't a very good one but Sebastian wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed, I hoped he bought it. I heard a sigh before he muttered; "I guess I've stuffed up everything between me and Clary now, haven't I?" Great, he took the lie. To be honest, I was disappointed, I didn't want Sebastian and Clary together but I was her, I don't think I'll ever be able to say this properly and without cringing, friend. My voice was small and pained as I told him, "Mate, look, she really likes you…just explain and she will forgive you, I promise." His voice lightened as he thanked me and I hung up.

I was a block away from my house and I was just so angry! Why? Why couldn't I be enough for her? I don't understand! I ran straight up to the closest tree and beat the crap out of it. My knuckles spit, my hands turned bloody and people were staring but I didn't care, I needed to get this out. "Jace!" I heard being shouted at me. "Jace! What the fuck are you doing?" It was Alec.

His stormy blue eyes showed anger and worry, contrasting with his ink black hair that he shared with his sister. "Oh my god, your hands!" He exclaimed. "No shit, Sherlock" I huffed out. "No need for your attitude, Sergeant Sarcastic." He retorted. His voice lost its anger and he asked, "Why? Why would you do this, Jace?" I let out a breath and said "The tree called me fat." How I kept a straight face, I will never know. Alec sighed knowing he wasn't going to get an answer out of me and ran a hand through his hair.

"C'mon Jace, lets get you cleaned up." He led the way home and it started to rain. How fitting. That's when I decided; Clary can't do this to me. I had never intentionally wanted to hurt a girl before but the need to get back at Clary was too great. But how do get back at her? I ditched Alec and ran up to my room to think up a plan. I had to let her know I was fine without her, better even. I needed to replace her and I knew of a certain blonde bimbo who would help me out, with pleasure.

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><p><strong>oh yeah, i'll hopefully update soon!<strong>

**(im trying my best!)**

**REMEMBER TO RATE AND REVEIW, also a bit of advice goes a long way :)**

**and i'll answer any questions you have too x**


	7. Plans

**Hey Guys! I'm sorry I have taken so long to update! I promise I'll try to update faster for future chapters, better late then never, hey? :)**

**Oh um, this chapter changes point of view a lot but I say so you will know :)  
>Once again thanks to Veronica and Caitlin for helping cure my writer's block and betaing haha that doesn't sound right.<strong>

**Anyway, this chapter is super depressing in parts so enjoy!**

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><p>Chapter 7: Plans<p>

**CPov**

The next day I turned up to school confused. I needed to find Jace; I needed to talk to him. Last night, shortly after I returned home from the park I received a text from some unknown number.

**Hi angel, its jace. tell seb I drew the pic of me. thats wat he thinks.**

What? Why would Jace do this? And how the hell did he get my number? Probably Izzy. God, I'm so stupid. How could I have thought that there was something on his face at the park, that there was something more between us? At least now I know, I know his true feelings. I couldn't reply…what would I say?

Shortly after I got a phone call from none other than my very own Sebastian, but I wouldn't speak to him then…I couldn't. By helping to get Sebastian and I back together Jace just proved his feelings. Feelings of friendship. Eugh.

When I was at my locker, I saw a flash of gold. Could it be him? My face brightened at the thought before realising it wasn't his silky locks, but a golden balloon? Who the hell would have a big, golden balloon, and was that writing on it? The balloon and its owner got closer and closer and my heart stopped and I sucked in a breath. It was Sebastian.

I stared at his face as he took one step, and another, and another. Oh god. "Forgive me, Clary!" was what the balloon said in big black letters. Ah, shit. Sebastian looked worried as he came to stand in front of me. A crowd gathered around us, obviously knowing something was about to go down. "Hey." He said in a small voice. I had no idea what to say… I was just so embarrassed, so can you guess what I do to fit the situation? I turn bright red, not a surprise, while nervously tracing the fading scars on my wrist.

The tension was palpable as Sebastian reached out and grabbed my wrists. "Don't do that Clare, you're beautiful and I stuffed up and I don't deserve you and I'm sorry and I really want you to forgive me and even though it hasn't even been a day I miss you and now I'm just babbling." He gushed out quickly in one breath.

Even though Seb wasn't my Golden Boy, he made me happy. I know that that may sound stupid, but he made me feel loved and other than my mum and Simon, who don't really count, I have never felt loved…wanted. Well, at least he did.

I stood there thoughtfully, unsure of what to do when I felt two soft, yet masculine hands cup my face, pulling my gaze to his and breaking my train of thought. Those dark eyes, which easily could have been black, looked into mine questioningly. I sucked in a small breath but didn't move away. He lowered his head down to mine and gave me a soft, sweet gentle kiss. It was caring and beautiful, but I wanted a different pair of lips on mine.

He unwillingly pulled away and I looked around to watching the crowd. I saw an angry storm of amber and my eyes widened. Jace. He was staring right at me and as corny as it sounds, I guess you could say I felt everyone around us disappear, to me there was only us in this world. Unsure of how to respond to him I mouthed a thank you even though I wanted to run and kiss him instead. He sharply nodded once and walked away.

"Hey Clare?" I heard a soft voice. I took my gaze off Jace's retreating back. "Yes Seb?" I replied nicely even though I wanted to push him away and run after my Golden Boy. But before he could continue Isabelle gracefully swooped in. "Clary. We need to talk. Like now." I gave Seb a faked apologetic face and was pulled away by Isabelle.

While Izzy pulled me by my arm to God knows where, I was thinking about Sebastian. I don't understand…he had made me so happy but now I was just so frustrated with him! Then it hit me. It hit me like a ton of bricks. Jace. I wanted Jace. He was so gorgeous and talented and sweet, when he wants to be and I could go on forever talking about him like that. I couldn't be with Seb while I felt like this about Jace; I can't be with him while I feel that way about another. I'm just not like that.

But in a way I'm not surprised. How could someone like Jace, like me? He's…normal, unpolluted… yes he can be a douche – and a massive one at that, but he is popular, loved, beautiful and most importantly, he isn't broken. Broken like me.

"Clary, Clary, Clary!" Isabelle was waving her hand around my face, trying to get my attention. I was pulled out of my epiphany. "What?" I said quickly. Her dark eyes narrowed. Her face was angry, oh no, I think I've done something. "Why did you do that to Jace?" Well, I was definitely not expecting that. The question metaphorically knocked me off my feet. "What did I do to Jace? I didn't do anything…" Isabelle let out an exasperated sigh.

"Exactly." She said, drawing out the single word. "You've done nothing. Absolutely nil. But Clary, c'mon! You need to do something! God you are so thick sometimes!" Now I was really confused. "I need to do something?" I asked her.

She shook her head, her silky black hair swishing around her face. "I can't believe it. You two can't see it." Uh, see what? "Isabelle" I started to say, worry was evident in my voice. "I love you and everything but I think you are seeing something no one else can. There is nothing to see!" She let out a laugh. "Oh my God Clary, you really don't see how Jace looks at you," She paused and looked at me as if she knew something that I didn't, which is probably true.

"Or even more importantly, how you look at him!"

She knew. She knew how I felt. Wait a second. How Jace looks at me? "How does Jace look at me?" I asked her quickly, my voice sounding considerably breathy. She gave me a knowing look, raising her eyebrow. "He looks at you…" Her voice softened considerably, along with her face. "He looks at you the way you look at him." Like I look at him? Fucking hell, Jace really needs to stop sending those mixed signals. I swear I am going to have a mental breakdown at this rate.

During the argument I had going on I my head I realised something, something that literally made me grip my arms and my open my eyes wide, my mouth making the shape of an 'o'. Jace looked at me, the way I looked at him. Yes, that is exactly what Isabelle said, but then I found the meaning in it…as clichéd as that sounds.

I look at Jace like he is perfect. I look at him like he is the sun, moon and stars. He is whole, he is happy. I don't care if what I said was pure cheese, that is what I think, and if what Isabelle said is true… then that's how Jace looks at me… well something along those lines.

I let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding in. What do I do? God, I don't think I can take it if he rejects me. I guess it's a chance I'll have to take, because what if Isabelle is right? "I have to find him" was all I said to her as I ran off in search of Jace. Isabelle stood there smiling like an idiot, clearly pleased with herself.

Realising it was lunchtime; I dashed off to the cafeteria. When I reached the doors, I ran straight into Simon. "Hey Clare-Bear" He said to me lazily. "Simon! Simon, Jace likes me too!" I whispered-shouted to him. His face visibly hardened and he held me back, his hands on my shoulders. "What are talking about Clary?" I sighed, "You know," I made a motion with my hands, "boy likes girl, girl likes boy." My hands mashed together… Simon got my point. His voice sped up, and he winced as he spoke "I don't want to hurt you but let me lay this out simply." I raised both my eyebrows.

"You don't like Jace, he doesn't like you." I'm pretty sure my face scrunched up in a way it never had before. "Simon, seriously let me in." I quieted a bit, thinking over what Simon was saying, I was extremely confused "Please, you don't understand." He let out a frustrated sigh. "Don't go in there, Clary." His voice was low and serious. I pushed him aside knowing what I had to do, "Don't be ridiculous Si, I need to see Jace!" He grabbed my arm, "I'm serious Clare." He was almost begging. I pushed him off me and opened the door.

Immediately my eyes went to the halo of hair across the hall and looked at his face, only to find the biggest slut in the school sucking on it. My breath was knocked out of me and my eyes widened. I thought, I thought he liked me too. I guess it's my fault; it's always my fault.

o.8.o

**JPoV**

Today was the day. The whole time I've been here at this school, Kaelie has been trying to cram her tongue down my throat and now it was finally coming to some use. Yesterday evening I almost chickened out, man normally I would have been all for this…easy pleasure. God, what's with me?

To be honest, for today being 'the day' it started out, and continued to be pretty shit.

The first part of my shitty day would be due to a very annoying Isabelle. My alarm stuffed up and so I woke up late only to have to wait a fucking half hour to use the bathroom. This is why I go in the bathroom before Isabelle. Why the hell would she need all the time in there anyway? Is she baking a cake or something?

Then, as I finally got into the shower, Alec was knocking on the door telling me to hurry up and get out because it was 'his turn'. It's so not fair that Maryse and Robert get a bathroom to themselves. After heaving out a sigh I got out of my shower sanctuary after being in there for only 2 minutes, at least it didn't leave me any time to think about Clary…much. I was grumpy and tired so it did not help my mood at all find out we were out of cereal and toast because Max ate it all, damn you pre-puberty. Great, something else Mum will make me do this afternoon, shopping.

When I got to school, starving might I add, I saw a group of people circle around something obviously exciting enough to capture the attention of 20 odd teenagers, which really isn't that hard when you think about it. Walking towards those familiar lockers I see, jut in time, Sebastian lean down and kiss Clary. I groaned internally at the not so pleasant thoughts running through my head, the nicer things I wanted to do with Clary and also the not so nice things I wanted to do to Sebastian.

As she breaks away from Sebastian's face, ew, she mouths "thankyou" to me. I nod and turn on my heels, "No fucking worries, Angel" I say to her in my head as I head to my own locker, wondering what would happen if I actually said that to her with as much sarcasm as humanely possible.

When lunchtime finally came around, much sooner than expected though, I felt like punching myself for what I was planning to do. I sat down at my table only to be assaulted, once again, by that nasally voice, probably a result of the incredibly plastic nose job. God, apart from that pretty decent rack she had, there was absolutely nothing positive about her, and even those were silicon infused.

"Hey Jacey-baby!" She squealed. Jeez, why the hell was she so happy that she felt the need to squeal all time; maybe it was just her voice. As I contemplated this we moved down the lunch line. I guess we were getting food, and I hadn't eaten all day so that was a bonus to this torture.

"Hi Kaelie." I muttered, nowhere near as enthusiastic as her greeting. She started to stroke my arm with her long, fake, blood red nails, after she jumped into the seat beside me. "So Jacey, I know the guy is normally meant to ask the girl but-" Her voice was seriously giving me a migraine. "I understand what you're trying to get at Kaelie." Man what was I getting myself into?

I took a deep breath and …"Will you go out with me this weekend, Kaelie?" I can honestly say I think her squeal was the loudest I have ever heard…and I have a sister… one of the girly kinds too. She basically assaulted me, her lips in a large pout.

I heard the sound of a chair being loudly across the floor, and looked up to see Clary's dorky friend Simon walking away in disgust. I almost did too, but then I realised that I was, in actual fact, a horny teenage boy who hadn't gotten any action in way too long… and hey, who knows what this could lead too?

Kaelie pressed her lips to mine.

o.8.o

**CPoV**

Why was I so stupid, why, why, why? I picked up the blade that I once shied from and felt it rip into my flesh.

Peace.

o.8.o

**JPov**

Disappointment. That is probably what I feel at the moment – I'm not really sure whom the feeling is pointed at though… myself? For doing what I did, and not getting caught by Clary as planned, Kaelie? For being a massive whore or slut or whatever she is. I just don't know, but I do know that's what I feel.

I know I'm not really a fan of PDA, but the make-out sesh with Kaelie was actually alright, she did know what she was doing. I don't think Clary saw but hey, with the way any piece of gossip around here spreads, I'm sure she would have heard by now.

I was kind of expecting her to barge in and make a scene… maybe profess her love for me? One can always hope. I walked home, enjoying the fresh air and using it to clear my head to think.

As I neared my house, I saw something strange – drops of blood trailed along the ground. Some kid probably tripped and scraped his knee, oh well. I walk straight past my house, following the blood, curiosity pushing me further. I realise where it leads and stop dead.

Clary's house.

What if she's hurt? What if her brother came back for her? Or worse, her father? I try the front door but it's locked, I knock it a few times before running around to the back, seriously panicking now. Just as I started to reach out for the handle, the door opened. A woman stepped out, looked extremely similar to Clary, except older, probably mid-forties, and her hair was a few shades darker. I guess this is her Mum.

"Yes?" she asked, clearly knowing I was about to come inside. "Um, uh" I stutter. What do I say to her mother? "Hi, um, I'm Jace. Your next door neighbour… is Clary home?" It might have just been me but as I said her daughter's name she seemed to pale a bit. "No" she said quickly. I found it odd she didn't introduce herself or anything.

Her voice darkened considerably, "You better be on your way then, Jace." I took a few steps back, feeling a bit lost. I wanted to ask her about the blood but it could have been anything. I'll just ask Clary tomorrow.

o.8.o

**JocelynPoV**

I soon as I saw him, I knew. I don't know how I did, but I did. He was the one who made her do it. He was the one who made her harm herself again.

"Yes?" I asked him, wanting him to leave and never come back, to leave my baby alone. "Hi, um, I'm Jace. Your next door neighbour," What an unusual name, "Is Clary home?" Yes, I thought to myself. Yes she is, and she's broken once more – like in the earlier days. And it's because of you.

"No" I told him, lying, wanting him to just leave. I didn't want to have the usual neighbourly conversation and ask all about where he came from, yada, yada, yada. "You better be on your way home then, Jace." I watched him slowly turn around and walk away. He looked confused… no, he has to know what he has done, he should know.

For some reason he reminded me of Clary's father. Yes, you could say I'm a bit prejudice but anyone who reminds me of that horrible, horrible man who stole my baby from me and did those things that he did to her is a big warning.

After getting into the care and turning on the ignition, I revved my engine, feeling a weight on my shoulders of what I had to go collect, I hated those damn pills. They took Clary away from me, but if it was what I had to do to keep her safe then I'll take it… for her.

I just don't understand! She was doing so great – laughing, smiling, she even wasn't afraid to go out and be herself. Letting her scars show, which was definitely a first. Then this afternoon she came home.

I knew something was off by her expression. It was pained, yet peaceful and almost… I can't explain it, but it's kind of dead, like there was no light on inside. Her walking seemed dragged and she made a wobbly beeline to her room, then I saw the blood.

My breathing stopped and I ran to her, pulling her into my arms, firstly needing her to know everything would be okay… then I pulled up her sleeves. The sight was painful. The wounds were deep and oozing red, the previous scars were raised and purple in colour. Why? Why did she do this? **Why is this happening to her?**

Together we walked into her room, me holding her upright. I tucked her into bed, only sliding off her shoes as she sat down and held her. She didn't cry, or even make a sound for that matter. She just lay there, alive but dead. I went into Clary's bathroom to find her meds; she hadn't had to take them in a long time. As I walked past her desk I knocked her sketchbook open. The pages were filled of what seemed to be the boy from next door – Jace. My breath sucked in as I realised what had really caused her to do what she did… I squeezed my eyes shut as the memories from this afternoon flooded my brain. My precious baby girl, he broke her heart.

* * *

><p><strong>Now you see why it's rated M... <strong>

**Anyway rate and review and I'll see you soon!**

**xx**


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